


The "No One Believes You" Incident

by SasukeUzumaki



Series: The Incidents: Naruto and Sasuke's Strange Relationship Milestones [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, also a bit of people being freaked out by an injury, another shortie, as always, but that's okay!, hopefully, hopefully it's okay, in case that's not your thing, it's all good, just reactions and such, no graphic depictions or anything, so this one's kinda fluffy???, t for language and mentionings of the do, the rants aren't as crazy sorry, this isn't at all what I was going for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 09:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14809067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SasukeUzumaki/pseuds/SasukeUzumaki
Summary: Sasuke comes into school limping. Of course, students are going to make snide remarks about his living conditions, a.k.a. residing with a certain Naruto "Daddy" Uzumaki. Loud arguments, a hospital visit, and a dead snake later, Naruto still has no regrets about snagging this deranged lunatic as his.





	The "No One Believes You" Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Back at it again! I have to change a lot in my book to put ONE SCENE IN and I'm dying inside! So my dying inside has turned into this! Yay!
> 
> ...I don't remember the others much, but I realized that I think I've been using Sasuke's crazy rants as his coping mechanism for high points of stress/anxiety. Explains how this one plays out a bit.
> 
> This one's a little fluffier??? than the others. Hope that's okay.
> 
> This one isn't as completely over the top with the rants, but I hope Hubert makes up for that. Thank you all for reading! Makes me happy!

Sasuke flinches at every sly look sent his way. He doesn’t appreciate the way people look at him this morning. They look, they watch, they _gossip,_ those stupid sheeple. Sasuke is not one to be easily swayed by public opinion. Nothing, and he means nothing, is wrong with him!

He has no idea why people are acting like he’s done something wrong, like he should be _ashamed_ of walking into the campus. He checks his jacket to see if it’s inside out, if his tie is crooked, if he has toilet paper stuck to his show – nothing! He has no idea what’s going on, which isn’t new, but it’s unsettling, the number of _stares_ he’s getting, the eyes on him as he walks. He’s starting to sweat.

* * *

 

Sasuke’s still steadying his paranoid breathing as his students enter the class. They look at him, they snicker, they laugh, they giggle, those _bitches._ Sasuke knows he shouldn’t call them that, but it’s in his head, so they’re little snot-nosed bitches at the moment.

Sasuke clears his throat as the bell rings.

“Good morning, class.” Sasuke says evenly.

The class fills with quiet laughter. Sasuke’s losing his mind. What did he do? Does he have something in his teeth? He frowns with the realization that he can’t check right now, they’d see the paranoia on him and laugh at him some more. Laughing is okay, Sasuke’s a nut case, he’s accepted this (mostly because Naruto has, the _fool_ ), but laughing at him with no reason? Unacceptable.

“Okay, not sure I want to know – wait, no, I do. What on Earth is so funny?” Sasuke asks, “People have been looking at me all morning!”

“Mr. Uchiha, you’re limping.”

Sasuke looks at her blankly.

“That’s why people are laughing at me?”

“Yes…?”

Sasuke breathes a sigh of relief.

“Good grief, I was worried it was something humiliating.”

The students share glances together.

“You _do_ live with Mr. Uzumaki now, right?” A student asks.

“Yes, I do.” Sasuke walks to his desk.

“Um, uh, you’re limping.”

“I _know,”_ Sasuke snaps, “you’ve pointed this out already.”

“Why are you limping?” Another student pipes up.

Sasuke sighs loudly. And then he inhales deeply.

The students prepare themselves.

“Well, you see,” Sasuke walks in front of his desk, “I woke up a little late, and I was a little freaked out about being late. Mr. Uzumaki being Mr. Uzumaki always gets up later than I do. Stupid, but apparently, he makes it work. I have no idea how he does, I have to iron my clothes, fix my hair, eat – okay, you get it, I have to do a lot and this man just sleeps until 5 minutes before he has to leave. It’s ridiculous!”

The students are now showing curiosity.

“So, I’m rushing to get ready, and as I leave the house, I see a snake, a big one, on our front steps.”

“Oh my god!” A student says.

“I know!” Sasuke says, “I was worried the poor baby would get hurt!”

The student shudders. Snakes? No.

“So I picked it up –“

“Is it poisonous?” One student asked.

“Well, I’m not gonna eat it, am I?” Sasuke asks, “Poisonous, no. Venomous? Quite possibly. I got bit so I’d like to think I’m good.”

“Oh, so that’s why you’re limping?”

“No,” Sasuke scoffs, “I got bit on the arm, why would I limp because of that?”

“Is your arm okay?”

“Yes, it’s fine. So,” Sasuke continues, “now that the snake is out of harms way, I try to get to my car, and there’s a gecko, like, two steps below me.”

“Oh, cute!”

Sasuke looks at her in horror.

“Cute? It’s a fucking gecko! I screamed!”

“At the gecko?”

“Yes!”

“Not the snake.”

“Why would I scream because of a snake?” Sasuke asks.

“So, you fell down the steps.” A student states hopefully.

“No, I scared someone on the street, his name is Macaroni, isn’t that weird?” Sasuke thinks a moment, “Or it could’ve been Mackenzie, I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Sasuke shakes his head, “Anyways, so he was walking his dog and he lets go on the leash, and this dog goes absolutely nuts, okay? Completely bonkers!”

The students are texting each other at this point, commentating the monologue.

“So, the dog runs up to me, and knocks me over.”

“ _That’s_ why you’re limping.” The student nods his head.

“No, I’m not going to limp because a dog ran into me,” Sasuke scoffs again, “that’s absolutely ridiculous! What do you take me for, a glass vase?”

“Anyways,” the students groan as he continues, “so the guy apologizes as he comes over, whilst simultaneously calling me an asshole for scaring him. It was the gecko’s fault, it scared me! So, he gets his stupid dog, and he offers to open the car door for me.”

“And so, I climbed in and I left for work.”

“…wait, why are you limping?”

“Oh, I totally forgot about that,” Sasuke laughs, “I pulled a muscle getting out of my car.”

The students are sitting in shock. Watching their teacher pull his story out off his ass in real time is something they hadn’t seen before. Sasuke, again, knew he was a bit of a nut case, but he is also a teacher, so he tries to shield the students from the brunt of it. They have never ever seen him this bad. They look between each other, daring each other.

A lone student sighs.

“That is the longest way I’ve heard anyone say they got dicked down good last night.”

Sasuke’s eyes go wide.

“ _Excuse me?”_ Sasuke’s tea kettle voice is back, in case you missed it.

“Yeah, generally a man limps after some pretty good day sexing.”

Sasuke’s mouth gapes.

“I did not!”

“You did, it’s obvious.”

“ _I did not!”_ Sasuke’s face turns red.

“Oh, you so did.”

Sasuke glares a not so very convincing glare. He’s trying to get a hold of a classroom that is falling apart. Why? What did he do to deserve this?

“Stop persecuting me for a crime I haven’t committed!” Sasuke yells.

“Gay sex isn’t a crime!” A student yells back.

“ _It’s a metaphor!”_ Sasuke retorts.

“ _It’s a shitty metaphor!”_

_“Maybe, but a metaphor no less!”_

“Just admit you’re having fun! Then we can move on!” Another student joins in.

“Awfully bold of you to assume I’ve _ever,_ in my _life_ , had _fun!”_ Sasuke yells.

“Okay, Mr. I shop at Hot Topic.”

“I don’t shop at Hot Topic!”

“Sounds like someone who shops at Hot Topic would say.”

“No! People who shop at Hot Topic are assholes and let you know they do! _Hot Topic shoppers have no sense of fucking shame!”_

The rest of the class is just laughing their asses off at this point, because holy hell.

“Mr. Uzumaki gives good dick, just say it! Say it!”

“ _Never!”_

* * *

Mr. Uzumaki stares at the wall opposite him. His class is completely silent, looking at the door. The teacher stands completely still, blinking, waiting. He looks down at the lesson plan in his hand.

“…you gonna stop him?” A student whispers.

_“I did not get dicked down by Mr. Uzumaki, I never do!”_

Naruto presses his lips in a thin line at Sasuke’s claim. He shakes his head.

“It’ll wind down.”

“How soon?” A student jokes lightly, but still slightly afraid of the small angry man in the other room.

“Trust me, you never stop him in the middle. He’ll stop.”

The students wait patiently for him to stop. The classes around have also ceased their function. Sasuke’s loud.

“Jesus Christ, Uzumaki,” Sakura enters his classroom, “what did you do?”

“Nothing,” Naruto shakes his head, “I did absolutely nothing.”

_“Stop telling me to say it! I’m not going to! I didn’t get dicked down!”_

“Uh, yeah, sounds like that’s the problem.” Sakura chuckles.

“He’s limping because he pulled a muscle.” Naruto sighs.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“And they think you had sex?” Sakura asks.

“They’re high schoolers, what else are they going to think?”

“Good point.”

_“No, I’m not going to fuck him! What’s wrong with you?”_

“…are you going to stop him?” Sakura asks.

“No. Not a good idea.”

Sakura watches Naruto put the lesson plan down and sigh.

“You know him pretty well now, huh?” Sakura jokes.

Naruto rubs his temples, “A little too well.”

_“Leave me alone, I’m not fucking daddy!”_

…

…

…silence, at last. Naruto inhales deeply.

“Yeah, this one’s headed right toward me.” Naruto motions Sakura to move as he stands in front of his doorway.

Sasuke storms out of his room.

“Naruto!” He whines.

“Come here.” Naruto hugs him.

Sasuke is dying. He doesn’t ever mean to say it, he just does! And now his class is laughing at him! He knew this would happen, that people would laugh at him, because he’s got more than a few bolts loose and people don’t tend to see the good to him just the crazy and now he’ll never be taken seriously, and he may have _known_ this was coming but _damn_ did it hurt like a motherfu-

Naruto kisses his head.

“It’s okay, Sasuke, you’re fine.”

Sasuke melts.

Of course, Naruto is always there to take him as he is. And now he’s happy.

“What did you tell them?” Naruto asks.

“About this morning.” Sasuke mumbles into Naruto’s shirt.

“What about it?”

“The gecko, and the dog, and Macaroni –“

“Macaroni?” Naruto asks.

“Well, it could have been Mackenzie, but Macaroni is cooler.”

“Mm-hmm.” Naruto nods slightly.

“And the snake.”

Naruto pauses.

“Snake?”

“Yes, the snake.”

“What snake?”

Sasuke looks up at Naruto.

“The snake. On our front steps.”

Naruto raises a brow.

“Was there a snake?”

“Yes!” Sasuke pouts.

“What happened to it?” Naruto asks softly. Sasuke could be a little… delusional, at times. Naruto has to be sure.

“I moved it off the steps.” Sasuke looks down.

“Okay. Why aren’t you looking at me?”

Sasuke sighs.

“I may have… you know, I like snakes, but they don’t always like me, and this guy, I swear, if he was a human, his name would be Hubert and he’d down 7 vodkas in 20 minutes I swear to God like, swole? But a snake. Insane –“

“Sasuke.”

“And like, he’d have a posse of other awfully named men that can down an equal amount of vodka –“

“Sasuke.”

“And – and – and he’d, like, he’d rock at skee ball, okay? Like, I mean, wait – what bar has skee ball –“

“Sasuke.”

“ – maybe they’re at, like, Main Event – anyways, real asshole, doesn’t like the twink type because he’s a homophobe. And you know who’s the twink type? Me.”

“Sasuke.”

“And so, maybe I like this snake, but he doesn’t like me –“

“ _Sasuke.”_

Sasuke looks up at Naruto again. He’s breathing like he’s run a marathon – well, he has, kinda, with the way he’s dancing around the subject.

“What happened to the snake?”

Sasuke fiddles with Naruto’s tie.

“Isn’t Hubert a wonderful name?”

Naruto sighs loudly.

“I swear to fuck, if I get home and there’s a snake in the house – “

“ _Hubert._ ” Sasuke corrects him. “His name is Hubert.”

Naruto watches Sasuke expectantly.

“What? He’s not going to bother you! You were still in bed when I let him in.”

“I was _what_ when you _what?”_ Naruto asks incredulously.

“Nothing.” Sasuke smiles innocently. “Besides, he’s not venomous.”

“That’s reassuring – wait, how do you know that?”

“Um…” Sasuke looks off to the side.

“If you don’t say Google I am not going to be happy, Sas.”

“…Yahoo?” Sasuke offers sheepishly.

“Did it _bite_ you?” Naruto asks.

“Well, it’s classic Hubert, though! I mean, it’s not bad.”

Naruto recoils in shock as Sasuke raises his sleeve.

“Yeah, uh, we’re going to uh, get you to a hospital, and very likely shoot Hubert a couple times for good measure.”

Sasuke gasps.

“Not Hubert!”

“Sasuke, now.”

Sasuke pouts.

“Let me say goodbye.”

“He tried to already. No more goodbyes, dear.”

Sasuke frowns as he looks at his arm. Sakura looks at it in horror.

“He’s just a small baby, though.” Sasuke mumbles sadly.

“How small?” Sakura asks.

“Like, four-footer or something.”

Naruto exits his class with his stuff. He lightly grasps Sasuke by his unhurt arm.

“Sasuke.”

Sasuke pouts.

“Sorry.”

 

The students realize, as they watch the two teachers walk away, that they all have a newfound respect for Mr. Uzumaki. For him to find something in _that?_ Unbelievable.

Sasuke looks at Naruto like he’s the world. The students try not to think about what that would be like… Jesus Christ, that man is insane.

* * *

Naruto sighs. He grabs Sasuke a little closer to him on the couch. Hubert has been taken care of. Sasuke’s arm still looks a little – a lot – fucked, but it’s okay.

Sasuke may be crazy, but Naruto’s also crazy – about him.

…also, he can _swear_ he hears snakes everywhere. That might constitute crazy, too.


End file.
